Fighting a panic attack is like performing a Patronus charm.
#i focused on this perfect moment with you watching the eiffel tower listening to the journey song my love
So it seems I have some anxiety issues, as they say. That’s fine, I’m not born with it, I don’t plan on dying with it. But in between, well, let’s deal with it.
Just earlier I felt a panic attack coming, and tried to remain calm with everything I could find, I tried to remember happy things and stay focused. I found one memory and tried to fix my mind on it as much as I could.
And as soon as I’ve been able to control it enough, it made me think about Harry Potter and the Patronus charm. It’s a perfect metaphor. This is exactly that. And it brings hope, cause at first you try and fail, but it doesn’t matter, you just have to keep trying and it’s gonna work. It might take some time but you’ll do it, you’ll be able to protect yourself against it, and better each time. Sometimes it might be more difficult than others, sometimes you might need help, but you can do it.
random stuff at night
New phone. Seems I can use it to go on tumblr now, that’s nice. I can spend more time wandering around on the web, whenever I get bored and have a wifi available. Or at night, when I’m all alone. It’s been ages since it last happened. Or at least it feels like it.
Back in time I used to randomly write what I had in mind when I was feeling a bit blue, just to get it out of me and look back at it like it was written by someone else. Nothing artistic, no thought, just letting it go. And it was only to myself, never shared, buried somewhere deep into my computer or on a piece of paper that would stay safe in a cupboard until I find it again when I wouldn’t expect it. I used to do it in french. Now I’m able to do it in english. And for some reasons that I can’t explain, it’s not going somewhere totally hidden anymore, but on a tumblr. My tumblr. Not to be found, that’s not even that, but it feels like it’s its place, I don’t know why.
And right now I feel like I’m nothing. Or I just become fully aware of it. That’s a strange feeling and I’m not even sure about what it provokes in me. I just accept it. I don’t know.
"Weeping willows are just crystallized fireworks."
or so young me was thinking.